Sunday 24 October 2010
Two shite days and bottle caps.
Well... I've had a crap weekend. I won't bore you with the details but it involved nearly being thrown down the stairs. But what makes it even worse is that this weekend was meant to be amazing. Saturday night I was meant to see Missing Andy at the Bridge House II. I was really really looking forward to it. But then the gig got cancelled due to an electrical fault. So I was pretty bummed out but I thought I'd take the opportunity to stay in and do some artwork. Which actually went relatively well. Other than a decent drawing I did, the rest of to weekend was awful. I mean, really bad. Like I've had bad weekends, but this was some srs shit. Again, I won't go into it because it's a private matter. And you know, the only redeeming feature of the weekend was, after being thrown out, a young boy, about 6, maybe 7, saying to me, in a squeaky, yet very cockney way "Ello Darlin'" as I walked passed him. I though it was kinda of cute, in a funny way. But even that was ruined by him joining his mates in throwing bottle caps at me, which just seemed to firmly solidify the shitness of the past two days. Thanks universe.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Just incase you were wondering..
I still hate Ben Collins... I was just incredibly busy yesterday and couldn't post my usual 'Sunday Hate Campaign'
Thursday 14 October 2010
Steve's Big Toe, Staircases and Paintbrushes.
Tonight, my sister and I went to Camden's Proud Galleries to see Missing Andy play. They were great, but I'm not here to write about great things. So I'll start with the price of drinks at 'Proud'. I ordered a bottle of Stella for my sister and a Malibu and cola for myself. I watched the bar-tender grab a bottle from the fridge and place it in front of us, then bend down to get a class for my drink. He came back up and placed a 7oz class on the bar. I instantly shot a worried look at my sister, I knew the drink would be expensive, but I expected a little more than 7oz for my money. Just to get that in some sort of perspective, 7 oz is 0.35 pints. A pint in my local pub costs between £2.50 and £3, or there abouts. He then proceeded to fill the glass with ice, which I hate anyway, but he put like, 20 cubes of ice in the thing! Anyway, he puts a shot of Malibu in and tops it with Cola, turns to me and says "£7.60 please"... SEVEN. SIXTY! What? Seven pounds and sixty pence for a SMALL bottle of Stella and a 7 oz class of ice layered with basically just Malibu. Well, it was too late by then, I paid then man and kept the cup.
The Venue itself was a bit odd. In the day time, it's a gallery. For photographs of musicians... and F1 drivers. And by night it's a music venue. It's split into three 'sections'; the first, on your left as you walk in, is some kind of hipster room. Lots of irritating people with stupid haircuts pretending they're poor and not dancing to the 'all night DJ'... Who leaves at 1:30 am. On the left however, it's slightly less annoying, though still quite annoying. This room is full off 'Woo Girls', throwing their underwear at the band (which was actually hilarious by the way) Usually, I don't mind the 'Woo girls' but there were two there tonight who kept standing RIGHT in my way. Another thing I hate. It's simple logic. You're taller than me, don't stand directly in front of me when you have THE WHOLE GOD DAMN ROOM to stand in and dance like a fucking moron. So in the end I wriggled my way to the very front of the crowd, where the stage was. That way, no one could stand in front of me. Not even the twattish photographer who gave me a dirty look. The slag.
The room next to this appeared to be made of wood and flashing lights. They were in fact old stables, which is actually quite cool, if you don't mind the idiots standing in the middle of the central walkway. You have a booth, fucking use it, you retard. Though, I didn't spend a great deal of time here, I only walked through to go to the 'Smoking Area' which is always too small, where ever you go.
Basically what I'm saying is, if you're a hipster, you like looking at photographs of (mostly dead) people,over-priced drinks, annoying women who throw their clothes around or wood and flashy lights, go to Camden's Proud Galleries. It's right opposite the pretentious 'earth shops'.
The Venue itself was a bit odd. In the day time, it's a gallery. For photographs of musicians... and F1 drivers. And by night it's a music venue. It's split into three 'sections'; the first, on your left as you walk in, is some kind of hipster room. Lots of irritating people with stupid haircuts pretending they're poor and not dancing to the 'all night DJ'... Who leaves at 1:30 am. On the left however, it's slightly less annoying, though still quite annoying. This room is full off 'Woo Girls', throwing their underwear at the band (which was actually hilarious by the way) Usually, I don't mind the 'Woo girls' but there were two there tonight who kept standing RIGHT in my way. Another thing I hate. It's simple logic. You're taller than me, don't stand directly in front of me when you have THE WHOLE GOD DAMN ROOM to stand in and dance like a fucking moron. So in the end I wriggled my way to the very front of the crowd, where the stage was. That way, no one could stand in front of me. Not even the twattish photographer who gave me a dirty look. The slag.
The room next to this appeared to be made of wood and flashing lights. They were in fact old stables, which is actually quite cool, if you don't mind the idiots standing in the middle of the central walkway. You have a booth, fucking use it, you retard. Though, I didn't spend a great deal of time here, I only walked through to go to the 'Smoking Area' which is always too small, where ever you go.
Basically what I'm saying is, if you're a hipster, you like looking at photographs of (mostly dead) people,over-priced drinks, annoying women who throw their clothes around or wood and flashy lights, go to Camden's Proud Galleries. It's right opposite the pretentious 'earth shops'.
Thursday 7 October 2010
Tumblr.
Ya. I have a Tumblr. Mainly for my boring artwork/photography that no one looks at/cares about, but also, because it's one of the only website that is guaranteed to royally piss me off. Almost everyone on there is a horrid little whiny hipster bitch who complains about their weight and looks, yet post photographs of themselves on a daily basis. Its a place that fuels this place really. When I get too pissed off with the constant attention seeking behaviour, which is usually within minutes, I have to leave the dashboard, or close the tab altogether. Everyday I pray for one day that I can log into Tumblr and NOT see a slightly out of focus black and white photograph of some twat in a straw hat smoking a skinny. I hate that pretentious attitude. And actually, it's found a hell of a lot in my chosen career field. Photography. And it's usually shit photographers who use this pretentious attitude. That smug look they constantly hold and they way the look down at everyone else, while they look up to the same boring photographers 'the industry' else does because they're 'so innovative'. I hate that they play at being 'poor' when they live in Chelsea with mummy and daddy, never done a days work and sit around on their mac books all day, illegally downloading shit songs and constantly looking for instant gratification from society, while denying the fact they do.
Everyone knows I have a hate list. Most people know who is on my hate list... Hipsters are currently ranking in at number 3. And not surprisingly, I've ended up in two separate classes with a good handful of annoying, nauseating, arrogant twenty somethings acting like they're 16 in clothes that are too small for them (why do they do that?) and shoes with no soles. You know what pisses me off too. The 'fake lens' glasses. Not for the usual reasons people hate it though. I had it because, now, I can't wear mine. I'll be instantly branded not only a hipster, but something possibly worse, or the same thing... A hypocrite. And I'm not sure I'll be able to go through my three years at university without punching some one out. I can imagine that someone will say something incredibly stupid and ignorant and I'll just flip out. Actually, funny story... Monday, I met one of my lecturers for the first time. Guess what... I don't like her. Yeah, I wasn't surprised to come to that conclusion either. But, you know, there is actually a reason. My camera lens is fucked, completely, so I'm getting a new one, so I thought "Hey, she's a photographer, she actually a university lecturer... She'll know something, right?" so I casually walk over to her and ask what her opinion was on my wanting to buy an 18-135mm. Her response should have been expected really...
her:"It depends on what you're used to and how much you're willing to spend"
me: "Well, the one I'm looking at is £200"
her: "The more you spend the better the lens"
me: "I don't exactly have a lot to spend"
her: "well what's your budget?"
me: "Er... £200"
Well, thank you, that was helpful. She then asked me what lens I already have (even though I'd explained I don't have a working lens, which is why I'm buying a new one)
Me: "Er, I did have an 18-55mm but it seized up"
Her: "I personally like the 18-55mm, why don't you get a new one of those?"
Me: "Well, to be honest, I'm a little bored of using the same lens"
Her: "Perhaps you're not using it creatively enough"
PERHAPS I'M NOT USING IT CREATIVELY ENOUGH!!
Hey Miss... Fuck you. You can't say something THAT retarded and be a university lecturer. I should explain that the woman has never seen a single photograph I've taken, but she can assume that I'm not using my lens creatively enough because I said I was bored of uses an 18-55mm lens, that comes with the camera body anyways. Hmm, yes, it is a nice lens, but I've had it for over a year now. I get bored of things easily, therefore, I change those things. You can't just say I'm not being creative because I got bored of something. Suck my dick please.
Anyways, back to what I was originally ranting about. Last week, another photography lesson, someone asks "Do I need to buy a mac for this course?" To my surprise, my lecturer said "No, but it's recommended, they're used throughout the industry" which they are, I have come to terms with the fact. And then something magical happened. The class had a short discussion about Macs... And I kept quiet. That's right, I didn't say a word. I bit my tongue and didn't talk. I was proud of myself for a while. I thought I'd finally learned 'when to shut up' then I started to think Until I got outside and unleashed on my friends. Boring them to death about PC's. So, after break I walk into the lecture theatre, and there is this guy sitting there, scruffy blond hair, silly hat, checked shirt, fake glasses, beard and yep, you guessed it... A mac book. I don't know what type of mac book this was exactly, I never really stick around long enough to find out what any of them are, but he sat there, slouched in his seat like he had the world on his shoulders, probably posting pictures of mushrooms of leaves of some shit onto Tumblr. I decided to ignore him and went back to my seat with my friends. Then something horrifying happened. A group of about 5 or 6 walk into the theatre. One girl, wearing a baggy tee shirt as a dress (srsly, wtftheres like 7 of them. Sitting there, staring at a laptop screen, drinking coffee and pretending to be better than everyone else in the room and planning their weekend on a 'budget'. There are AT LEAST seven of them!
I think I'm going to set up a little experiment to keep me entertained for the next few weeks. Firstly, watch what they're doing on their Macs. Watch how they interact with each other and 'outsiders'. Then perhaps ask them a series of questions...
How many gears do you have on your bike?
How cheap was you Mac book?
"So you have an ipod touch?" "No, this is an iphone 4" "... So you have an ipod touch"
What strength are you glasses?
How 'retro' are you exactly?
How 'ironic' are you?
How do you feel about /b/?
Are you a master of 'parkour'?
.. Among others.
Everyone knows I have a hate list. Most people know who is on my hate list... Hipsters are currently ranking in at number 3. And not surprisingly, I've ended up in two separate classes with a good handful of annoying, nauseating, arrogant twenty somethings acting like they're 16 in clothes that are too small for them (why do they do that?) and shoes with no soles. You know what pisses me off too. The 'fake lens' glasses. Not for the usual reasons people hate it though. I had it because, now, I can't wear mine. I'll be instantly branded not only a hipster, but something possibly worse, or the same thing... A hypocrite. And I'm not sure I'll be able to go through my three years at university without punching some one out. I can imagine that someone will say something incredibly stupid and ignorant and I'll just flip out. Actually, funny story... Monday, I met one of my lecturers for the first time. Guess what... I don't like her. Yeah, I wasn't surprised to come to that conclusion either. But, you know, there is actually a reason. My camera lens is fucked, completely, so I'm getting a new one, so I thought "Hey, she's a photographer, she actually a university lecturer... She'll know something, right?" so I casually walk over to her and ask what her opinion was on my wanting to buy an 18-135mm. Her response should have been expected really...
her:"It depends on what you're used to and how much you're willing to spend"
me: "Well, the one I'm looking at is £200"
her: "The more you spend the better the lens"
me: "I don't exactly have a lot to spend"
her: "well what's your budget?"
me: "Er... £200"
Well, thank you, that was helpful. She then asked me what lens I already have (even though I'd explained I don't have a working lens, which is why I'm buying a new one)
Me: "Er, I did have an 18-55mm but it seized up"
Her: "I personally like the 18-55mm, why don't you get a new one of those?"
Me: "Well, to be honest, I'm a little bored of using the same lens"
Her: "Perhaps you're not using it creatively enough"
PERHAPS I'M NOT USING IT CREATIVELY ENOUGH!!
Hey Miss... Fuck you. You can't say something THAT retarded and be a university lecturer. I should explain that the woman has never seen a single photograph I've taken, but she can assume that I'm not using my lens creatively enough because I said I was bored of uses an 18-55mm lens, that comes with the camera body anyways. Hmm, yes, it is a nice lens, but I've had it for over a year now. I get bored of things easily, therefore, I change those things. You can't just say I'm not being creative because I got bored of something. Suck my dick please.
Anyways, back to what I was originally ranting about. Last week, another photography lesson, someone asks "Do I need to buy a mac for this course?" To my surprise, my lecturer said "No, but it's recommended, they're used throughout the industry" which they are, I have come to terms with the fact. And then something magical happened. The class had a short discussion about Macs... And I kept quiet. That's right, I didn't say a word. I bit my tongue and didn't talk. I was proud of myself for a while. I thought I'd finally learned 'when to shut up' then I started to think Until I got outside and unleashed on my friends. Boring them to death about PC's. So, after break I walk into the lecture theatre, and there is this guy sitting there, scruffy blond hair, silly hat, checked shirt, fake glasses, beard and yep, you guessed it... A mac book. I don't know what type of mac book this was exactly, I never really stick around long enough to find out what any of them are, but he sat there, slouched in his seat like he had the world on his shoulders, probably posting pictures of mushrooms of leaves of some shit onto Tumblr. I decided to ignore him and went back to my seat with my friends. Then something horrifying happened. A group of about 5 or 6 walk into the theatre. One girl, wearing a baggy tee shirt as a dress (srsly, wtftheres like 7 of them. Sitting there, staring at a laptop screen, drinking coffee and pretending to be better than everyone else in the room and planning their weekend on a 'budget'. There are AT LEAST seven of them!
I think I'm going to set up a little experiment to keep me entertained for the next few weeks. Firstly, watch what they're doing on their Macs. Watch how they interact with each other and 'outsiders'. Then perhaps ask them a series of questions...
How many gears do you have on your bike?
How cheap was you Mac book?
"So you have an ipod touch?" "No, this is an iphone 4" "... So you have an ipod touch"
What strength are you glasses?
How 'retro' are you exactly?
How 'ironic' are you?
How do you feel about /b/?
Are you a master of 'parkour'?
.. Among others.
Tuesday 5 October 2010
Moving on.
Yesterday was a big day in my life.... Yes, that's right... I took down my Stig posters. I took them all down and stared at the empty space where they once were. I just stared at the pale, whitish green paint that hugged the wall on a daily basis. I held the papers in my hand, still not quite wanting to let them go. It's The Stig. He's still The Stig. Nothing can change that. Can it? Everything changes. The people in your life, the food you like, growing up, growing down, growing sideways. Which ever way you grow. Everything. Changes. I don't look at The Stig now and see The Stig. I see a desperate and limp man. Someone to almost feel sorry for. I don't see a childlike innocence in him like I used to. Yeh, right, I know, I'm weird, I'm lame, he's just a guy in a racing helmet. Except he wasn't. He was a member of a well rounded foundation. Whether he saw that or not. I'm looking at the top poster now, I'm not sure if in pity or disgust. Most likely a combination of both. I place them in the bed in front of me and stare back at the wall.
You know something I realised today? I have this DVD, Top Gear Winter Olympics. There's an extra on that DVD. It's simply The Stig sliding around the Top Gear track in a red Vauxhall Monaro VXR. I'd watch it every time I felt a little sad. And it never failed to cheer me up. That simple 5 minute clip. The slow motion, the Bach Cello Suite No.1 soundtrack. It's poetry in motion. And no I can't enjoy it. It does the opposite to what it used to. It actually saddens me now. I can't watch it knowing that inside that monaro isn't an awesome half robot, half man alien driving machine from space and instead it's just some poncy little twat who thinks it's okay to crush every ones trust and then bugger off to fucking ff...ffffffff....fffiiifth gear.
But you know what... Even though he's taken away one of my favourite pick me ups, actually one of my favourite things in general, I'm still not completely sad. Because there's a much better pick me up he's left behind. He took away something far more valuable from himself. Respect.
I can't hate The Stig. It's not his fault he was played by a twat. My mum put my posters back up before I got home from uni. She knows me so well.
You know something I realised today? I have this DVD, Top Gear Winter Olympics. There's an extra on that DVD. It's simply The Stig sliding around the Top Gear track in a red Vauxhall Monaro VXR. I'd watch it every time I felt a little sad. And it never failed to cheer me up. That simple 5 minute clip. The slow motion, the Bach Cello Suite No.1 soundtrack. It's poetry in motion. And no I can't enjoy it. It does the opposite to what it used to. It actually saddens me now. I can't watch it knowing that inside that monaro isn't an awesome half robot, half man alien driving machine from space and instead it's just some poncy little twat who thinks it's okay to crush every ones trust and then bugger off to fucking ff...ffffffff....fffiiifth gear.
But you know what... Even though he's taken away one of my favourite pick me ups, actually one of my favourite things in general, I'm still not completely sad. Because there's a much better pick me up he's left behind. He took away something far more valuable from himself. Respect.
I can't hate The Stig. It's not his fault he was played by a twat. My mum put my posters back up before I got home from uni. She knows me so well.
Sunday 3 October 2010
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