Phoenix Jones and The Rain City Superhero Movement.

I was going to save this little gem for Wednesdays 'Mid Week Matters' but 1. I'm gonna talk to you guys about Minecraft and Amnesia on Wednesday and 2. This is just too amazing to wait for.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Phoenix Jones and The Rain City Superhero Movement, if you live in Seattle, then you may have, anywhere else... Probably not. And luckily it's not a shite indie band with a pretentiously long name. It's exactly what the name suggests... A real life Superhero group. Based in Seattle, the 'team' has 9 other members; Red Dragon, I'm assuming Thomas Harris must have gotten bored, Thorn, basically Thor with an N, Buster 'Are you gonna bang doe' Doe, Green Reaper, The Grim Reaper's eco-warrior cousin, Gemini, Who I think got into crime fighting after her twin sister was brutally murdered by a super villian, No Name, wow, thats creative, Catastrophe, please don't come and save me, Thunder 88, who is actually 88 and er... Penelope. No seriously.. It's just 'Penelope'. But by for the best known from the crime fighting bunch is Phoenix Jones, who is a care worker and father of two by day. Kitted out with a bullet proof, rubber suit, a taser baton and er, pepper spray, he patrols the streets of Seattle scaring away drug dealers, robbers and even gunmen! Here's the best part of his suit... His groin area is completely unprotected. You know how I know that? He fucking told me! Well not me personally, but he told a news reporter for The Sun newspaper. I don't think Batman would be that fucking stupid. Okay, so you know how Superman had his little phone booth, Batman had the Bat cave, Spiderman had... His bedroom, well Phoenix Jones has, wait for it.... That's right, A comic book store.




He told Pete Samson of The Sun;

"I went to Wal-mart and bought a pair of tights, a leotard and some gloves and put on the mask the robber had left in my car"

Yep, he used evidence for his own costume after his car had been broken into instead of doing what a normal, rational person would do, which is, call the police. He goes on to say;

"I patrolled that streets in that costume for a while until I got stabbed in the back by a drug dealer. I thought, 'This is dumb. Fighting in spandex is for comic books'. So I got a better suit and Phoenix Jones was born"

What he probably should have thought was 'This is dumb, I'm gonna go home to my kids and not get stabbed again'

Apart from just generally being hilarious, there's something that seriously bugs me about all this. 'Superheroes' do their very best to avoid newspapers (Apart from that idiot Tony Stark) So I find it deeply annoying that Phoenix Jones has actually gone to the newspapers himself to tell them all about his crime fighting habits. Mate, you're gonna get yourself into deep shit with all those super villians. They may not know your name, but they know where you patrol and, weirdly, your suits weak spot. Coz ya' know... You told us that. Anyone else see a Keene Act being passed?

Oh, and by the way... They have a Facebook page too. This is taken from the 'info' section;

"They wear costumes, they ride around in a Kia at night looking for trouble and occasionally, they get stabbed."

That's right. A Kia. Check those kids out, how cool are they? Which is apparently is GRAN MOTHERS Kia. Not exactly the Batmobile is it. I want to know what model it is, a C'eed? Sportage? Probably a Sedona. But hey, least it's not a Dacia Sandero, right?